Alberto’s Domain

Time seems to pass by slowly for me.. particularly now.. why?, cause i find myself doing full day locum at some clinic in Melaka.. cant believe i actually took leave us to do locum.. but what to do.. i have to fund my ambition to get a car by next year.. if only somebody can teach me how to swindle money.. then i wouldnt be in this predicament..

Anyway, an hour to go before lunch time.. might as well write something here.. it been a while since i wrote anything at all.. i remember when i was younger, i used to love writing.. my pen was my sword and my paper was my shield. . but now if i put pen to paper, what i get is jus a blob of ink.. haih..

My mood has also been quite foul recently.. i duuno why.. is it the weather? cant be.. its raining nowadays. I had a small fight with a very good friend of mine.. it wasnt very nice of me, and i apologized.. but i realized afterwards that this is not who i am.. i dun usually shoot ppl.. what has become of me.. my patience is so short.. i apologize to all my friends who has been at my recievng end recently.. i jus simply cant put my finger to where or how my temper became so bad..

And i dun think i’ll ever know..

SAMSONS - KENANGAN TERINDAH

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
  Aku yang rentan karena
  Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
  Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
  Sampai jantung tak berdetak
  Selama itupun aku mampu untuk mengenangmu

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
  Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati..
  Wooo
  ( Begitu engkaulah; cinta sejati )

Bila yang tertulis untukku
  Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
  Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
  Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku
  Meninggalkan jejak hidupmu
  Yang tlah terukir abadi
  Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Nazri posted this question to all of his friends in friendster: to choose between love or money.. it took me some time, but this is my asnwer to him..

You’ve once asked the question: to chose between happiness (i.e love)
or wealth (i.e money).. i’ve been thinking about it and this is my
reply to u: it depends on what the society thinks about it.. we’re all
bound by the norms of society, and it demands money to be considered
higher on the priority list. why? love is a luxury, money is a need. we
all can live without love, but nobody can live without making a
living.. but nobody can argue that love is what makes ppl happy.. and
without it, life can be meaningless even if money and wealth is
abundant.. so even though we need money to survive, we need love to
live.. so which one is more important? in this world we live in, love
is a fairy tale and make belief that only fools believe in.. money gets
u respect and attention, thats why we study and worked so hard for. and
dun get me wrong, i’m not the type of person who makes these rules;
society does..

This is my honest opinion of the subject.. what would u think?

I have a confession to make.. While my day job is to diagnose medical problems and save lives, very little people know that I’m actually a race car driver.. maybe not a professional one but i still race cars.. you all might think, "wow, our little alberto is a race car driver".. he he.. but the truth is i race small battery powered cars.. he he.. got u din i..

well, since i cant afford a real life size race car; then i might as well settle for a downsized one.. hell, its more fun than u can think.. i can chased cats in my neighbourhood with it.. attach some C4 onto it, and i have my very own suicide bomber.. he he..

my housemate has one.. his car is a BMW which moves like it has hiccups.. and my bro has a Nissan 350Z which overturns at tight corners.. but the real star of the show is my two-toned Nissan Sylvia (my housemate and bro would beg to differ).

Anyway, this battery powered car racing is actually a much more healthier way to socialize.. you’d be surprised at the many types of people u see at these gathering.. I know this one guy who has a company in Dubai, and he races these small cars instead of the real thing.. There’s another guy who actually cant drive a real car!!..

My bro has a race this sunday somewhere in JB.. cant really remember the name of his place.. the last time he raced, he ended up in 3rd place with some prize money. So this time, he’s being sponsored by Petronas in the up coming event.. why a petrol company is sponsoring when these things are battery powered? Dun ask me..

So this sunday lets head down to JB to support my bro.. who knows u might see an F1 style race event here..

Earlier today i had a very personal and thought provoking dialogue with a very close friend of mine.. we started our conversation by discussing ways to make money. Our discussion ranged from targetting numerous international banks to breaking into the Queens jewellery box, but we realized we dun know any grease monkey.. and the avanza is a very bad getaway car.. hence, we shelved those plans..

Anyway, our conversation soon went to rather sensitive issues.. Most people (i.e women) makes the mistake of thinking guys dun know how to open out and express our feelings.. but the truth is so many of us wear a suit of armour cause deep down we’re all terrified of getting hurt.. some of us even have scars to hide behind that suit of armour.. we also get hurt and disppointed;  afterall, we’re all only human, men and women alike..

This friend of mine is one such person.. scarred from his previous altercation. He already has someone now, but it goes a long way to understand each other.. cause that ’someone’ may not be ‘the one’ for him..In our conversation,  he complains how much he argues with his beloved with small and childish issues.. issues that stems from daily  social pressure and modern circumstances that often makes us overlook the real meaning of being in love with sombody.. now ppl uses ‘mind games’ to try to win each other; and some even use it to manipulate.. we both agree that mental politics are now destroying and polluting relationships.. its sad, cause i thought being in love brings a very heartfelt and sacred meaning..

Being in love with somebody’s not suppose to be this difficult.. its either a yes or a no.. there’s no ‘we’ll see how things goes’ or ‘you have change to be this or that’.. if u really liked someone, nobody can change ur mind; not even heaven and earth.. but if u dun have any feelings at all, try as u may; u can learn to appreciate that somebody but u’ll never love that person..

My friend and I share the same sentiments.. maybe we’re old fashioned since we go to the same school together.. we use to think falling is love is easy; jus let ur heart tell u what to do.. but so often we get misled by so called ‘modernt-thinking’ girls who only thinks of u in times of need and nothing more.. they dun let go cause its the feeling of being ‘wanted’ that makes them feel good (or so a girl-friend of mine told me).. a friend of mine does that to her guy friend.. i feel for that guy but how do i council this friend of mine?.. I dun know how to tell her..

Time has evolved us human.. but we’ve failed to look back and understand the tiny things that makes us human.. admit it, we’re just too selfish; and not even God can change that..

10 months since my last entry.. two things can be deduced from this: 1) i’m very very busy, or 2) nothing worthwhile has happened in my life since my last entry.. (long silence) ok, stop pretending to look like u’re thinking hard; cause choose either option and u’re right anyway..

I’m now back in my hometown.. its only the second day of my leave but i’m looking forward to tying up any loose ends that i still have left here.. Not to mention all those junk in my room that needs to be cleared (If i dun, i’ll be needing a bulldozer to move in my room).. workwise, things are busy with the hospital, but its looking bright.. in a few months i’ll be the one barking at my minnions.. to be a good MO or bad MO? watch out junior housemen, we’ll find out soon enough..

What else is going on in my life? ermm.. i still havent learnt how to cook (my friends can testify to that).. still addicted to fine coffee.. still not losing weight (allthough i’m proud to say i’ve been going to the gym recently).. still hopelessly in love with somebody (hint, hint..).. otherwise, life is pretty much like a straight line in a cardiac-monitor.

On the plus point, Man Utd won the champions league (that’s worth mentioning).. and Euro08 is sitll on-going.. My bet is on either the dutch or portugal.. but we all know what happened in 2004, don’t we?.. 

What a weekend it has been.. All of Batch 9 came together for a reunion that none will forget. Together with Batch 10, we all graduated on the 11th August 2007. Like everybody else, i have been waiting the day with so much anticipation that for once, stress at work has not bothered me. Finally something to look forward to. No way i will miss this event; i even handed in my leave request a full months time in advance. And finally the time came..

All of us had to come a day earlier for rehearsal.. but trying to make the event work with precision wasn’t top of our priority, as each of us was so preoccupied with renewing friendships and catching up with each others progress. None the less, even with the ‘cincai’ preparation, things went well.. I went to collect my robes early, hopin to catch some of my friends before they went off to god knows where.. it was very emotional.. for that day, i remembered the joy it was being a college student again. It was nice to know that after all these times, these people in Batch 9 still havent changed a bit.. The spirit of Batch 9 is indeed strong.

It was an emotional and proud moment for my parents; and for all other parents as well. For after 5 years of struggle, this was the moment to savour.. And as i walked up the stairs to recieve my scroll, i couldn’t help but feel my parents looking from amongst the crowd.. So this is what it feels like to be up here.. This feeling will never repeat itself again..

After the dust has settled, it was sad to see some friends going off so soon.. There’s so much things to say, and so much time to spend.. What to do, more inportant things lie ahead.. None the less, it was a memory worth remembering for the rest of my life.. Thank you, Batch 9.. Until we meet again..

This is a true story: Last month, i had a patient, he’s just 17 years old.. This young boy was diagnosed sometime ago with osteosarcoma, but defaulted his chemo/radiothrapy. So he presented with a massive pleural effusion.. he couldnt breath.. obviously there was mets in his lungs. i was given the task of ‘taking care’ of this patient; (in other words i have to do a pleural tap).

Anyway, this boy had a gf, so everyday the girl will take him on his wheelchair and went missing for hours. i had to hunt them down.. i was even close to calling the cops to file for an absconded pt. In the end i finally got him to sit still for me to perform the tap. I had to do it twice; each tap i had to take out around 3 - 4 litres of fluid. There was that much of fluid.. The kid was kind.. he saw me huffing and puffing way trying to draw out his effusion, he offered me some essence of chicken; but i told him, he needs it more than i do.. so after 4 days, he was discharged with a referral to HKL for palliative treatment.

Of course, knowing this boy, he would again defaulted the follow up.. so a few days ago he came back.. breathless again. but he din go to the ward; he was admitted to PCU. He died there after 2 days.. I was already in surgical unit when he died..

This story is not about the patient, patient die all the time.. but it was how i found out about the news: a few days ago i was at teh cinema watching Transformers, when i saw the gf.. coincidentally her sit was beside mine.. so she told me about the boy.. she told me that he always wanted to watch Transformers, and was eagerly waiting for the movie. But he died before he can watch it.. so the gf watched it for him; and told me he is watching it through her eyes.

At that point i was worried she might burst into tears.. then what am i suppose to do? but she was fine, jus sat there an watched the movie.. and in the end bid a goodbye, and said a final thank you to me for taking care of him.

Somehow, being back to work takes a lot of my mental ability.. its like using the limit of of ur band width; making ur internet connetion slow.. so here i am, back to the saddle again.. 45 blasted days to go in internal medicine.. and 8 more months in surgery and o & g.. i hate seeing patients; i hope i get to be a pathologist or a blood bank mo or something.. dealing with people is really not my cup of tea..

the pengarah is leaving soon.. retiring around next month.. i;m thinking of getting him something; a souvenior; to remind him of his last mess to deal with before he retires.. maybe the gift he wanted is never to see me ever again (or to see me in the wards).

anyway, they were kind enough to allow me to choose which posting i wan to go after this.. but what the hell, jus bite it and hope i’ll survive the whipping.. ouch..

Cant believe i’m back in melaka.. there must be somewhere on this earth that i can be other than here.. inside the bowels of a volcano would be nice. (i think i should stop here. my melaka friends would not hesitate to stab me if i continue)

speaking of the bowels of a volcano, i’ll be back in my wards soon.. if there’s a time for a natural disaster, this is the time, cause i’ll be at your service (or mercy) in the hospital. dun worry, feel free to develp chest pain; i’ll make it quick and painless.. my days as a free man is coming to an end.. this is what jesus christ must’ve felt when he went for his last supper..

anyway, my medical college passed out its latest batch of doctors. (hmm.. look at that sentence. use your imagination ok) Kala’s one of those who passed.. she din pass out without giving me a few scares.. but in the end she made it non the less. it was when she decided to pack up and go that i decided to head back home as well; cant bear staying alone for the first few days. when i finally came back, i half hoped kala would be there..

i have to wake up. what to do.. sooner or later i have to stand up or myself.. i miss my friends.. no one to disturb, no one to push around.. i hope when i see them next time they’ll all be the same.. maybe we’ll play a testimonail match; by that time i would’ve perfected my defence splitting pass. he he..

ok, back to reality.. back to the wards.. life has to go on..